Many years ago, I was having a discussion with a good friend at a restaurant about the subject of meditation. She was saying that she just didn’t think meditation was possible in our society. As a meditator and a budding meditation teacher, I reflexively disagreed and tried to make the case that it was. Now that I’m a more seasoned meditation teacher, I sometimes reflect back on this conversation. I do this in light of the fact that I’m simply not seeing the high level of interest people have in meditation translating into the development of a daily meditation practice. Meditation has become mainstream, in that it is all over the media and pop culture. Also, there has been a continual stream of studies, over the past decades, demonstrating beyond any doubt the substantial benefits of meditation. This exposure has created a great deal of interest and curiosity around meditation, yet still a very small percentage of people who make some attempt to meditate end up staying with it. I’ve taken this on as a personal challenge to figure out why this is the case, and what I can do about it as an instructor.
One thing that I’ve realized, is that it is important to acknowledge, rather than dismiss, the cultural and institutional obstacles that we are up against in trying to develop a meditation practice. Only through clear awareness of these obstacles can we take steps to minimize them, bypass them were possible, and find creative solutions. My work with meditation students over the years has led to me dividing these obstacles into three categories: External, Internal, and Instructional. The external, refers to forces outside of us that are applying pressure which makes meditation harder than it has to be. The internal, refers to resistance to meditation which we ourselves generate, often subconsciously, due to personal psychology and the current state of our mind and nervous system. The third category is instructional, or instructional deficiencies. The vast majority of would be meditators I’ve met, have not from whatever exposure they have had, learned what I consider to be the basics or fundamentals of meditation. Without these basics, meditation is at best a frustrating uphill battle, and at worst, simply impossible. This area of fundamentals is where I feel I can make the biggest difference, though I have developed some practical ideas about how to mitigate the external and internal obstacles as well.
External Obstacles
We live in a fast-paced, high stress level society. Americans work long hours, and also have very little paid vacation, fewer holidays, and fewer paid sick days, compared to Europeans for example. My German friends say that they don’t really start to unwind until they are in the third week of a vacation. When was the last time you had a three week vacation? Even those who have vacation time may not use it all, because the work doesn’t stop, and the stress of falling behind on projects cancels out the enjoyment one would get on vacation. Wages, after accounting for inflation, have been stagnant since the 1970’s, making it more and more stressful to make ends meet. Raising a middle class family, for some time now, has required both parents to work full time, while the cost of education and child care has soared. And earning more doesn’t necessarily alleviate the stress either, because higher earning jobs often require taking more work home and putting in far more than forty hours a week. When it comes to work/life balance, the scale in the US is clearly tilted towards the work end. There can even be a stigma against those seeking a slower pace of life, who may be judged as lazy or unproductive.
So why is this problematic for meditation, isn’t meditation is supposed to help with all this? Well it can, but if one feels they cannot carve out time for meditation, then it simply isn’t going to happen. Even if we do meditate, this frenetic pace of life makes it more difficult, due to what I call a problem shifting gears. If we are in a state of go, go, go….doing, doing, doing, there can be difficulty adjusting from that pace, to the slower mental gear associated with meditation. Though meditation leads us towards that slower gear, if the difference in starting points is too great, then meditation can feel uncomfortable at first, and it may require more time to settle in than we wish to allot for it. Sitting down to meditate may feel in this case like trying to shift from fourth gear directly down to first gear in a car or bicycle, which as you might imagine can be a clunky and uncomfortable experience.
The more steps we take to slow down our pace of life in general, the more natural and easy it will feel to spend time in meditation, and to fit it into our lives. Even taking just a little more time for quiet reflection, walking in nature, unplugging from technology, journaling, or even reading a good book, can slow down the mental gears enough so that meditation feels more natural. Another thing we can do, is to take just ten minutes before meditating to do some form of preparation. Especially helpful is doing physical yoga, but really anything that slows you down a bit will help your meditation get off to a smoother start. Taking time for preparation as part of one’s meditation practice is often overlooked, but it makes meditation more accessible, and improves the quality of practice as well, so consider factoring it in.
Next, we have the issue of technology and shrinking attention spans. The introduction of the smart phone has led directly to people having shorter attention spans. The apps we use compete for our attention and money by providing mini dopamine hits every time we click on something of interest, receive a like, a heart, or a compliment on social media. Our phones have also accustomed us to receiving literally instant gratification. We can find things out, and even buy something often in less than ten seconds. An elementary school teacher once told me that students sometimes ask her, why are computers so slow? She found it was hard to explain to them that computers are actually unbelievably fast, but it is just that we want everything instantly now and we get irritated or annoyed when a computer takes two or three seconds to respond. Television, cable television, and then the internet started this process, but now smart phones and 5G networks have accelerated it exponentially, and our attention spans are shrinking accordingly. As a case in point, my friend who coaches a high school chess team told me that the league had to cut the length of the games in half. Back when he and I used to play in the nineties, each player had ninety minutes to make their moves, so a game could take three hours. But now, because students just can’t or won’t do that anymore, the games have been shortened to a maximum of an hour and a half. Meditation can improve your focus and attention span a lot, but it is hard to even get started with it if your attention span has already shrunken significantly in childhood and adolescence.
Technology has also caused the traditional separation of work and home life to become blurred. With twenty four hour access to important work related emails and texts, it requires real discipline not to check on things when you pick up your phone to use for some entirely different purpose. We are constantly being interrupted, and our attention fragmented. I actually felt that I had to stop using my meditation app to time my meditations, because either right before or right after my practice I was getting sucked into something that I didn’t want to be doing at that time. I like the analogy that meditation is like mental hygiene. Those who meditate will sometimes say that they would no sooner miss their meditation practice than they would their shower or brushing their teeth. Something that probably needs to come even before that is cell phone hygiene. Without that, we are again making the journey into meditation, stillness, and peace of mind, even more uphill. As a practical tip, avoid any technology whatsoever within a half hour of meditating, and within a half hour of bed.
Thirdly, we are living our lives while literally swimming in a sea of marketing and overstimulation. It is hard to walk into a store or restaurant these days that doesn’t have music blasting. Television screens are everywhere, and when driving down the road we are confronted by an endless stream of billboards, unless you live in Vermont of course. Advertisements on mobile websites are so aggressive now, that when scrolling with your phone they make it almost impossible not to click on an advertisement, and almost impossible to close the box that pops up once you do. It sometimes feels like there is a war being fought to capture our attention. This results in overstimulation, and makes it hard to slow down for an activity like meditation, even when we need it so desperately. It takes serious effort to maintain our boundaries against this sensory onslaught, and that produces a certain amount of chronic tension. Plus, now there is a new threat from which we may not be able to defend ourselves at all, A.I. With computers able to analyze and actually learn from nearly infinite amounts of data, and with marketing psychologists specializing in creating addictive products, what we think of as our free will is being reduced to an algorithm. This enables others to effectively manipulate us without us even knowing.
In light of all this, meditation seems like a virtually indispensable tool for maintaining mental health. Meditation expands our awareness of our thoughts, not just the conscious thoughts, but the subconscious ones as well. These subconscious thoughts can actually play a larger role in influencing our behavior then the conscious ones. In meditation, we slow our thinking process down enough to recognize our thoughts as they emerge, enabling a more active and creative role in choosing them. This process drives our ability to create new habits and make positive changes in our lives. With all these outside influences overstimulating our mind and nervous system, sometimes we need a few lifestyle changes that make meditation more accessible. These changes can bridge the gap between the mental state we are currently in, and where we would need to be to feel comfortable starting to meditate. You can live a lifestyle that one hundred percent supports meditation by moving to an ashram or a monastery, but since most of us don’t want to be monks, it is a helpful compromise to find a few strategic lifestyle changes that we can make while still living in the world. Here are some practical suggestions.
- Take seriously the need for smart phone hygiene and screen time reduction, and create a plan. Maybe explore some of the features on your phone that enable you to minimize interruptions, like strictly controlling notifications and using the “focus” function. Perhaps also consider wearing a watch, so you don’t have to look at your phone to see the time, as this can open you to getting sucked in.
- Find a way to spend more time in nature. Go for a walk in nature by yourself or with a partner who will agree that some of the walk should be spent in silence. This is of course an extremely healthy thing to do, but it also puts you in the mood for meditation.
- Nourish and develop hobbies that have a calming effect, ones that you can become absorbed in. This will strengthen your attention span. Things like art, music, yoga, cooking, and even reading a good book can help. Try to resist the easy recreational go-to of binge watching an addictive and overstimulating tv series. This can kill your inclination to meditate that day, and even if you do meditate, you’ll spend some of that time just processing a bunch of that mental clutter that you absorbed.
Internal Obstacles
If a person is in a chronic state of high anxiety, the simple act of sitting still with the eyes closed can trigger a flood of emotion and anxious thoughts. A person can even feel that meditation is making their anxiety worse, have a bad experience, and never try it again. Such situations require careful handling, and the student most likely will need to spend some time focusing on physical yoga and diaphragmatic breathing before meditation becomes accessible. After some progress is made in those areas, one can begin to introduce specific meditation techniques that are less triggering, such as candle gazing, which is an open eyed meditation technique. When the student becomes able to close the eyes comfortably for some period of time, they can still take regular breaks to open the eyes, doing that especially if they start to feel the swelling up of anxiety. People with high anxiety need meditation the most, but they will likely need a systematic progression through some other practices before they are ready.
Most people have some kind of trauma in their background, and this can lead to the repression of negative emotions, or an experience of disconnection from certain parts of the body that were associated with the trauma. Meditation is a self-therapeutic process which leads to us becoming more aware of what is going on inside of us. Though this ultimately leads to deep healing, it may be tough going at times. If we are not ready or willing to face what we may be repressing or disconnecting from, we will probably have a subconscious resistance to meditation. When starting with meditation, it is a good idea for those with a lot of trauma, or a history of mental illness, to have a qualified therapist on hand to help support them on short notice if needed. The good news though, is that if you are practicing an appropriate meditation technique, pain and emotion tends to surface to the conscious mind in manageable amounts. Think of it as steam or pressure getting released from deep inside your mind, you will feel a great lightness and relief as this unfolds. Go ahead and let some tears flow, but if your breathing becomes disturbed or your body because unsteady it is better to take a break from meditation, or try changing your technique. More engaging meditation techniques such as the recitation of longer mantras, or the use of mala beads tend to not take us as deep, and therefore less pain will surface at one time. In one pointed meditation, you keep bringing the mind back to an anchor, the object of your meditation, whatever that may be. Each time your attention is broken by a painful thought or emotion surfacing, just acknowledge it and return to your practice, and a little bit of the charge around that issue will be dissipated. Eventually these painful thoughts and emotions will start to feel more neutral, like a historical fact, rather than something deeply upsetting. You will start to experience them from more of an appropriate distance, rather than an invasion and hijacking of your present moment and peace of mind.
In psychology there is a phenomenon associated with illness, either mental or physical, known as secondary gain. This can be another internal obstacle which creates resistance to practicing meditation. The improvement in one’s mental or physical health that begins to result from meditation, can be threatening to a person who is getting some separate benefit from the situation. Such benefits can include extra attention, sympathy, being able to avoid some responsibility, having control over others, or maintaining an addiction. It is important to realize the person really does want to get well and should not be blamed, the desire to maintain the secondary gain is functioning in the subconscious as a saboteur. Bringing awareness of that secondary gain to the conscious level then lets one make a clear decision regarding what one wants more, to improve their condition, or keep the indirect benefit they are getting from it.
Of all the lifestyle issues that can block efforts at meditation, one of the biggest is irregular eating and sleeping habits. Eating and sleeping at roughly the same times each day greatly supports being consistent with meditation, or any other discipline really. If one’s eating and sleeping schedule is too erratic, even if one does manage to meditate at some point each day, the quality of practice will be negatively impacted.
Another issue which I see surprisingly often, is that people with a bent towards perfectionism often struggle with meditation. Some people can put too much pressure on themselves to be good at something, and when there are bumps in the road they become overly discouraged and quit. Meditation requires a relaxed focus, and a somewhat passive attitude. If you try too hard at anything, especially meditation, it will block you. Maybe I see this so often, because of a fundamental misunderstanding people commonly have about meditation. If people think that they are not supposed to have any thoughts in meditation, then they are quickly going to develop the opinion they are terrible at it. If a teacher uses phrases like “empty your mind of thoughts,” they are setting the student up for failure. When using an appropriate technique, the thinking process will gradually slow down as one returns again and again to the object of meditation, but it will never stop, and the mind will never be empty. Being patient and compassionate with yourself on this journey will be important to the consistency and quality of your practice.
Instructional Deficiencies
Despite the increased interest we’ve seen in meditation over the past few decades, meditation instruction has not yet reached the level of a professional field or viable career. Some therapists teach a little meditation to their clients or on the side, and some people teach meditation as one of their many duties for a religious, spiritual, or other type of organization. Also, some things are just hard to learn from a book or a YouTube video, where no personalized or hands-on instruction takes place. Meditation is definitely in that category. As a result, when I encounter students who have had some exposure to meditation, I consistently find four fundamental things lacking.
The first, is that most people do not know how to sit comfortably in an upright seated meditation posture, nor do they understand the value and importance of meditating in that position. This creates a serious limitation right from the start, and is a major reason why people give up on meditation. An inappropriate posture, whether on the ground, on a cushion, or on a chair or a couch, very quickly causes either pain, tension, dysfunctional breathing, lethargy, or a loss of focus. Perhaps even all of the above. This is why I have made it my business to create a system of getting anyone into a comfortable and effective meditation posture, regardless of age, flexibility, or other physical limitations. This almost always requires some hands-on, in person work. A strong posture is more than just a practical necessity and starting point, it also directly improves the quality of meditation itself. Perhaps in other cultures and in the past this was not so much of an issue, because sitting on the ground or hanging out in a squatting position keeps the hips, legs, and back flexible, even with age. Unfortunately, the habit in modern western culture of sitting too much, and in chairs which are almost never ergonomically correct for the individual, has caused us to lose flexibility. This problem can be overcome however, with a skillful use of modifications and props. I have found that I can help almost all students find a good posture for themselves sitting either on folded yoga blankets, certain types of cushions, on a meditation bench, or a traditional upright chair of the correct height. On my weekend meditation retreats, most people are comfortable and set for the long haul after just a couple group sessions and a little individual attention where needed.
Very few students come to me knowing anything about the difference between diaphragmatic breathing (belly breathing), and chest breathing, and the relationship this has to relaxation and anxiety. This issue can make or break your practice. Frequent chest breathing one hundred percent blocks effective meditation, and yet many people have this problem and are completely unaware of it. It is related to the fight/flight response, and results from chronic stress as well as host of other reasons. Some good therapists know how to address this issue, and some nurses are learning about it in their training, but this is not nearly enough to address the significant percentage of the general population who have become chronic upper chest breathers. Most meditation teachers do not seem to even be aware of this issue, and this is unfortunately something that cannot be ignored. If someone is in a chronic state of hyperventilation due to pathological breathing habits, not only is meditation going to be out of reach, but life is also going to be very challenging. I would estimate that about one in three people would benefit greatly from some training to improve their belly breathing, and 5-10% of people have a serious problem with it that requires a consistent focus on the issue. This can sometimes take as long as several months to correct because it can be a deeply rooted habit pattern. The good news is, only ten minutes a day of practice, after receiving proper instruction, is usually enough to turn things around, and people will begin to feel better early on in the process. Finding good instruction in this area can be difficult though, so in addition to the work I do in person with people while leading meditation retreats, I’m working on a four part series of short videos to try to reach more people. Even if you don’t have a particular problem with this issue, breathing more slowly and deeply is definitely a way to improve your meditation practice, and this can only happen if you are breathing diaphragmatically.
A further problem I see surrounding meditation instruction, is that people or institutions teaching meditation seem often to have a vested interest in promoting only one style or approach. Working personally with a significant number of meditation students, and with an eye for getting practical results, has convinced me that meditation is not a one-size-fits-all affair. People and their mental states are different, even day-to-day, and it usually takes some experimenting with a range of methods to find a technique that is a good fit for the individual. It helps to have a tool box of techniques to choose from, and some guiding principles of how to select one based what is working and what is not. Large organizations teaching meditation are often the most limited in their approach, because the method itself is often considered a part of its identity, and the goal is to get as many people as possible to practice this method. This inherently precludes any flexibility, and leaves many people out in the cold, for whom that chosen method simply doesn’t work. The same problem exists again if learning from a book or a video, as there is just no ability to customize, trouble shoot, or adapt to the students individual needs.
Finally, it is rare that I find aspiring meditators who do anything at all to prepare for their daily practice. A mere ten minutes of yoga postures, relaxation, or belly breathing, can dramatically improve your meditation. I enjoy telling the story of a former student of mine, who came to meditation class on a weekly basis for some time, and then one day confessed that he could not meditate at home for more than thirteen minutes. He was just consistently at that point becoming too restless to continue. I asked him what he was doing for preparation, and I got the usual response, nothing really. So I gave him a short ten minute yoga routine, which I use myself every day before meditation. The following week, even I was stunned, when he said he was using that routine, and now meditates every day for forty minutes, and loves it! Wow. Apparently some preparation and dealing with some physical issues was the missing piece for him that unlocked a powerful practice. At the next meditation retreat, he disappeared at one point, missing both a meal and some instruction. I later found out he had been in the meditation hall for over two hours, and just didn’t want to stop. Practicing any skill in life benefits from some preparation or warm up, meditation is no different. Try to imagine how great your practice might be if you did a full yoga asana routine, followed by pranayama, and then meditation, the way yoga intended the practice to be. You could try for example, doing a full two hour practice in this way, either once a month, or when you are on vacation, just to see how it affects your meditation.
I think of all four of these fundamentals, and the lack of instruction I see in these areas, as elephants in the living room, all contributing to the gap between the interest people have in meditation, and them actually doing it. These fundamentals are all readily available to be learned from the yogic tradition, but most yoga teachers are primarily concerned with the physical practice, and are not aware of, or bringing this wealth of knowledge about meditation to the public. Millions and millions of people practice physical yoga, so if even just a higher percentage of them were getting some effective training in meditation, it is exciting to think of the transformation that could take place in society. The conduit and infrastructure for spreading quality meditation instruction seems sitting right there at the ready, it just needs to be utilized. I hope that more yoga instructors will find my online materials, and sign up for one of my weekend meditation retreats, which are a complete course.
www.meditationinternational.com/retreats